Preparing For Death

How does one prepare for death? I don't think one can really "prepare" for death. Yes, a living-will helps and giving family members the right to help you make medical decisions when you can't is great, but what if the dying patient can't speak or write his wishes? Poor Sylvester... he's going to be 15 years old in cat years, which is the equivalent of about 80 plus years old in human years. He's definitely used up a life or two over the past few years as well. The silly cat probably doesn't even know that he is on his way out. Although he is slow moving and probably have weak eye-sight and hearing, he still manages to greet me at the door when I come home from work or when I wake up in the morning. He still has those BIG round puppy eyes (weird, uh?) that just tugs at my heart. Everything about him shouts, "I wanna live!" But, how do you tell a sick cat that he is probably dying of cancer? Even if I tried, he wouldn't be able to understand. Some tell me to put him to sleep "for his own good", while others tell me to "give him up to an animal shelter and never think about it ever again". Can a parent make either of the two decisions? I can't.

Sylvester's been in my life for the past 15 years, since my junior year in high school. I still remember how he chewed thru three pages of my advanced physics review book. Didn't I say he is like a little puppy? :) Sly is weird, he likes to sniff sneakers, rub against them, and even sleep on top of them. He also enjoys following people around the house like a dog. Not to mention sleeping outside of our bedroom doors and occasionally pushing at the door to get in. When he is moody or is upset, he makes it well known too. He would turn his head the *other* direction when you call his name or try to get his attention. He would even walk away from you and ignore everything else you do until you give him a nice rub down on his head, chin, and chest... just like a dog... And when he is *really* moody, he'll have no qualms clawing at you.

Sigh... Sly's got a lump on his right side under his fore leg. It's been two weeks now and he just finished off his daily twice-a-day antibiotics. After the lab results came back, the vet said that Sly has "dying tissue" in the lump, that can be caused by a "foreign object", "a lesion", or due to "cancer". He further advises to operate and remove the lump and to run more tests. After two weeks of antibiotics, the lump seemingly reduced in size by almost half. This is definitely a promising result, but he still needs further treatment and medical attention. Right now, he is so afraid of me when he sees me coming towards him with an eyedropper filled with 1 ml of antibiotics; he starts running up the stairs. He even slipped and fell the first few times he darted away. He consistently fights against me when I try to pry open his mouth to feed him his meds. He's a bit annoyed at me. I know it. Who wouldn't be when you are forced to open up and swallow God knows what? I've been preparing myself for that day when it is time for Sylvester to leave. I've decided to cremate him and keep his ashes in a pet urn at home. This way, he would be close to me even when he's gone. I still have to look more into this, but, it's kinda heavy to do all this alone. I haven't told my family yet about Sylvester's condition and I don't really plan to, until it's time. What I'm afraid most, is having to decide whether to euthanize him or not.

His body language says "I wanna live", but his body says, "I'm tired and sick". My mind says, "Live as long as you want and go peacefully when you are ready. You will never be far."