Too Butch

I'm too butch to be gay.

To think of it... I'm butch like some lesbians. I don't like my boobies hanging out (thank God that I don't have b*tch tits), but I do like the feel of having a power tool in my hands. Hoo la la...!

For the past five months I've been renovating my studio apartment with a friend's help. It all started with a major leak in the bathroom that lasted for three days. The leak originated from the third floor and I'm on the first. At the end of day one, I had a hole as big as my fist. At the end of day three, the hole was big enough for me to fit through to the apartment above. Of course, no one wanted to claim responsibility for the damage done to my unit. The management company blamed the third floor tenant and the tenant blamed the management company... and all the while the super managed to not return my phone calls and ignored my repair orders submitted. Finally, three weeks after the closing/leak (day after the closing), the ceiling was ripped out and replaced by the super.

After the new ceiling was installed in the bathroom, I called in a contractor to do some work... you must be thinking, "How's that butch?? Calling a contractor??" Well, I can't do ALL the work, besides it'll take forever. What I did do was rip out the ancient kitchen cabinets and all the floor moulding and trimmings. I also installed new hardwood birch floors on top of the old hardwood floors in the living room. I assembled all the new IKEA kitchen cabinets, installed all the lighting fixtures, plastered all the uneven walls, cracked ceilings, water damaged walls, updated some electrical wiring, installed wall shelving, installed mirrors, and not to mention there's still plenty left to do. This weekend I plan to install a wine shelf, a kitchen peninsula, a new peep hole/bell combination on my apartment door, more plastering, and painting of course.

Let me tell ya... all the lotion in the world isn't enough for my roughed up hands... eekkk!! Good thing that my gay self always remembered to lubricate my hands after a rough day's work with lesbian tools... no, not that kind... I yet have to experience it or the real thing for that matter... extra lube please. (Any takers?)

In any case, I think I would make an excellent carpenter. I used to love my wood shop class where I made a recipe box for my sister (gay), a letter holder for my mom (gay), a towel holder (semi-gay), and a working lamp for myself (sooo gay). Gosh... all my workshop projects are so -- gay. hmmm... That makes me wonder about my wood shop teacher Mr. Molter. >:T

Anyway, the point is, I enjoy working with tools... I even bought myself a power screw driver for this past Christmas. :P My best friend... especially when I had to assemble all my furniture from IKEA.... actually, my best friend is my Black & Decker power drill with a sh*t load of drill bits for every occasion under the sun. I even have duplicates of the same size bits. A word of advice... avoid the cheap "Made in China" bits... they rust and come in a cheap case. I would opt for the nicer higher end bits from DeWalt. Also, make sure you have an extra long heavy duty power extension cord for those out of reach places.

So... what happened to my more "feminine" side?? It's always been there. I designed my own kitchen from scratch using software. After all, I cook - now that's gay. I made sure I selected a color palette that flowed and matched my appliances and utensils -- all the way down to my place mats and seat cushions. I also made sure that there was an overall "modern/Asian/sophisticated" theme... or so I tried... I still sometimes think that my gay eye gene is defective when it comes to coordinating colors and furnishings... oh well, I can only say that I tried to stay true to my recessive gay design genes.

Sigh... five months later, I still have a work in progress in my hands... maybe I like the feel of a powerful tool in my hands too much... hence, the extended pleasure of delaying the explosive gratification until the very finale. Take that for a climax! Power tools rule baby!