Contemplations

It's been a long while since I've posted anything... on many levels it was intentional... If you've been a regular follower of my blog, you would have realized that I'm pretty open in my entries. Due to this nature, blogging about half baked thoughts and changing my mind every other day would make me seem finicky or loony even. I promise... I have a pretty straight head on my shoulders.. just with not so straight thoughts. :)

I do miss blogging... I do miss the therapeutic aspect of blogging (there goes the loony part). So, like the many things that I've contemplated in the past four months, I've contemplated about blogging again for the past one month. Strange... I know. What's the big deal?

The big deal? Well... I had a friend ask me if I had manic depression. Oh GOD No! I asked why he felt or thought this way about me... his response, "You sometimes sound very depressed in your blog." Now, do you know why I had to kinda re-evaluate about blogging and being so straight forward with things? Well... of course I did get lazy somewhat due to a more hectic work schedule as well.

Anyway... on to the juicy stuff. :)

Juicy List:
1. No boyfriend
2. No sugar daddy(ies) - (plural for the good days that had gone by)
3. Same job (hating it)
4. 10% Pay cut
5. No planned vacation (as of yet)
6. No fb, bb, cb, or any of the sort

AND... the juicy list ends there... not much juice, uh? Kinda like having dried prunes stuck in your colon. The dried prunes are suppose to make you shit out the bad stuff and make you feel "refreshed", but instead it's just causing gas and stomach cramps. Oh... gosh... I could hear his voice again.... "Are you a manic depressive?" NO!! LOL! Just being bitchy at the moment... can you blame me for not getting any for an extended long while now!? LOL!

Okay... here's a shot of prune juice... I'm going to a dating service tomorrow night. YIKES! "Gosh... he's that desperate, uh?", you must be thinking. Well, I was actually asked by a friend of mine to join him at this event. He didn't want to go alone and I thought it would be nice to actually see what can come out of this. Sitting at home and letting my cherry riot away intentionally wouldn't do me any good, would it??

The service is being held at the Gay and Lesbian Center in NYC from 8pm to 10pm. I'll be attending the "boyfriend material" group. I suppose that this group's goal is to pair people up with others seeking a boyfriend and not just friends. I didn't want to attend the "20's to 30's" group or the "40+" group. The last thing I want is to end up with a 21 year old Twink or a 40+ year old Yogi bear.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. A part of me says, "Just go and see what it's like" and another part of me says, "Dude, this is it. Hook up or die trying for life". I don't FEEL anything about doing this. Perhaps a part of me slowly died away already. The part that I'm referring to is my heart... I can't say that my heart actually died away, because it still yearns to love, but what I can say about my heart is that it's starting to callous on the outside. I've always vowed to not ever become jaded, but with age, one probably becomes more cynical about true love.

Dare I dream a dream like Susan Boyle? Well... I can try dreaming one, but sure can't sing one. She was a total inspiration for me. I've watched her youtube clip at least five times by now. Listening to her sing brought tears to my eyes. Watching her finally gaining the acceptance that she yearned for brought tears to my eyes. She sung her dream of "singing in front of a large crowd" and sung it well. She's great. She's awesome. I hope this phenomenal dream dreams on for the millions out there that need a little dreaming of their own. :) I wish her and Pebbles success! :)