Sub 5' 8" Strategy
Let me tell ya... this morning's commute wasn't too bad. It's all about the strategy -and- a little patience... okay, - a lot - of patience.
This morning's 5am to 6am thunderstorm caused major flash floods across the NY metropolitan area. All subway trains were not running into or out of the city. The MTA scrambled to replace services with commissioned private buses in addition to MTA buses. The Q, B, F, N, D, and M trains near and not so near me didn't run at all. Walking out of the steaming Ave J train station I called my roomies and one of them told me that all three of them were having an orgy. Luck them. I asked if I could join in. LOL... nah... those suckers were also stuck at home waiting for the trains to run again after hiking to both the N and F trains. I didn't know where to go, so I walked into the Duane Reade store next to the train station to loiter around and because there was AC. Gosh... the store manager trailed behind me to watch if I was shoplifting or something... either that or he was checking me out. A bit on the older side, but not too bad looking for a white boy. He was blond, about 5'10", weight proportionate, and had two earrings; one on each side. We even chatted a little. I think he is a potential rice queen.
Anyway, I ended up taking the B6 bus to the F train station 10 minutes away. I waited on the crowded platform for about 5 minutes and got on the F. Being <5'8" has its major disadvantages on a crowded subway train during the summer. Basically, my face was sandwiched between two hairy sweaty arms belonging to two fat old men. I felt like I was being buried alive by two hot (not sexy hot) tubs of lard wrapped in curly haired carpeting. Fat man to the left jousted me with his bag while he read his book, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince", Chapter 10 - "The House of Gaunt". Yes. He was that close to me. Fat man to the right just stood there sweating profusely that I was afraid of getting his sweat stains on my shirt.
After 5 minutes of smelling their arm pits I decided that I had to strategize a little here if I were to make it off the train alive. First, I tip toed to breathe again, then I waited for Fat man to the left to turn to the next page. Once his hand left the overhead railing, I stole his grip space. I rather sniff my own pits than his. Now with both my hands holding onto the overhead railing for dear life, I was able to shelter my face from being exfoliated by hairy sweaty arms. As Fat man to the right got tired of raising his heavy arm at the next station, I stole his grip space too. So, this was how the next 40 minutes passed until I had to transfer for the A train at Jay Street.
Now, being part of a new crowd of supersized Americans, I strategized my boarding for the A train. I walked around the platform looking for a cute guy to hopefully stand next to on the A train. I found one semi-good-looking dude who apparently works for an investment company as an analyst, but, he was too tall. I figured... he could have smelly pits too. So, I moved on and finally gave up and stood in a less crowded area where the stairs lead up to the token booth. I was happy that I found a "good" spot... up until the moment I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. That was when Fat Russian man in red and Fat Russian man in blue quickly snuck up from behind me to steal my perfect boarding position! I was pissed and I was so hoping that their spot ended up being between cars. But, I knew that I still needed to strategize some more. I stood besides them with my arms spread wider to my side to effectively block them from advancing any further in front of me. As the train slowed down and came to a halt, I trailed the train door until I was right in front of it whiling holding the Russians back behind me. My strategy worked so well that I was the first one to board the train and to even get a seat!!!
I got a seat next to a chatty lady that was in such a good mood. We chatted. We smiled. We chatted some more about the delay. We smiled. And I smiled some more knowing that perhaps this world is not made for this short fella, but this short fella still got a seat. HA! Take that supersized Americans!
A Crippled City
This morning's 5am to 6am thunderstorm caused major flash floods across the NY metropolitan area. All subway trains were not running into or out of the city. The MTA scrambled to replace services with commissioned private buses in addition to MTA buses. The Q, B, F, N, D, and M trains near and not so near me didn't run at all. Walking out of the steaming Ave J train station I called my roomies and one of them told me that all three of them were having an orgy. Luck them. I asked if I could join in. LOL... nah... those suckers were also stuck at home waiting for the trains to run again after hiking to both the N and F trains. I didn't know where to go, so I walked into the Duane Reade store next to the train station to loiter around and because there was AC. Gosh... the store manager trailed behind me to watch if I was shoplifting or something... either that or he was checking me out. A bit on the older side, but not too bad looking for a white boy. He was blond, about 5'10", weight proportionate, and had two earrings; one on each side. We even chatted a little. I think he is a potential rice queen.
Anyway, I ended up taking the B6 bus to the F train station 10 minutes away. I waited on the crowded platform for about 5 minutes and got on the F. Being <5'8" has its major disadvantages on a crowded subway train during the summer. Basically, my face was sandwiched between two hairy sweaty arms belonging to two fat old men. I felt like I was being buried alive by two hot (not sexy hot) tubs of lard wrapped in curly haired carpeting. Fat man to the left jousted me with his bag while he read his book, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince", Chapter 10 - "The House of Gaunt". Yes. He was that close to me. Fat man to the right just stood there sweating profusely that I was afraid of getting his sweat stains on my shirt.
After 5 minutes of smelling their arm pits I decided that I had to strategize a little here if I were to make it off the train alive. First, I tip toed to breathe again, then I waited for Fat man to the left to turn to the next page. Once his hand left the overhead railing, I stole his grip space. I rather sniff my own pits than his. Now with both my hands holding onto the overhead railing for dear life, I was able to shelter my face from being exfoliated by hairy sweaty arms. As Fat man to the right got tired of raising his heavy arm at the next station, I stole his grip space too. So, this was how the next 40 minutes passed until I had to transfer for the A train at Jay Street.
Now, being part of a new crowd of supersized Americans, I strategized my boarding for the A train. I walked around the platform looking for a cute guy to hopefully stand next to on the A train. I found one semi-good-looking dude who apparently works for an investment company as an analyst, but, he was too tall. I figured... he could have smelly pits too. So, I moved on and finally gave up and stood in a less crowded area where the stairs lead up to the token booth. I was happy that I found a "good" spot... up until the moment I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. That was when Fat Russian man in red and Fat Russian man in blue quickly snuck up from behind me to steal my perfect boarding position! I was pissed and I was so hoping that their spot ended up being between cars. But, I knew that I still needed to strategize some more. I stood besides them with my arms spread wider to my side to effectively block them from advancing any further in front of me. As the train slowed down and came to a halt, I trailed the train door until I was right in front of it whiling holding the Russians back behind me. My strategy worked so well that I was the first one to board the train and to even get a seat!!!
I got a seat next to a chatty lady that was in such a good mood. We chatted. We smiled. We chatted some more about the delay. We smiled. And I smiled some more knowing that perhaps this world is not made for this short fella, but this short fella still got a seat. HA! Take that supersized Americans!
A Crippled City
posted by Sparky X | 11:03 AM
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