Backup Number Two
I used to be "Danny" when I starred in Grease; back when I was seven years old. Okay. Maybe I didn't "star" in Grease, but I was "Danny"... also known as backup number two. Remember? I am always the last to be noticed and the last to be picked in almost everything? Well, the diva in training, in me, at age seven sure as hell didn't know how to take no for an answer! *snapping my fingers - gyrating my head*
It was the summer of 1982 when most of you reading this was still a pequeño niño. I, being a good little Asian boy went to summer school down in the lower east side where it was riddled with crime, drugs, prostitution, and the infamous Ghost Shadows and their likes. I always managed to become the teacher's pet each summer. Summer school wasn't so bad. Free food, fun trips, plenty of coloring books, play fight with the guys, and of course the chance of a life time to take center stage at the end of the summer school class performance contest.
Being the teacher's pet proved that you DON'T always get your way. It was about three weeks into summer school when our class started to decide on what we were going to do collectively to compete in the end of summer performance contest. Our three summer school "teachers" were actually young college students or high school seniors. They were as much in this competition as we were. There was this chubby Asian female teacher that ALWAYS seemed to have her class put on the winning competition summer after summer. I bet she was a lipstick lesbian with an artsy eye for design and choreography. She also played favorites and had a favorite "student" too. He was this short Chinese kid that would always star in her performances and win too. He even moon walked for her one year and won the competition hands down. I have to say, her props, lighting, and costumes for her class WAS the best.
At the beginning, our trio of teachers, Allen, Carol, and lesbian Lisa (yes another one) decided that we were going to do the Three Little Pigs. Boring. Drop dead boring and choking on my own vomit kind of boring... We rehearsed the huffing and the puffing and the blowing scene for about a week and we called it quits because we were all turning blue and sick to our stomachs of having to constantly blow. I of course was a natural. Just give me that stick -- house and I'll blow it down for ya.
After spying on their competitors, our trio of teachers decided to revamp our gig to a scene from Grease, starring "Danny" and "Sandy", in the duet "Summer Nights". Once they decided on the new performance, it was time to choose "Danny" and "Sandy"... Choosing "Sandy" was easy, they picked the tallest and prettiest girl from our class. No other girl wanted the role anyway. When it came to choosing "Danny", the trio went for the tallest guy, Ricky, in our class and picked the cutest guy, Steven, as his back up. I wasn't acknowledged. We were sent home with the lyrics and asked to dig up our best pair of jeans and jean jackets.
A week into rehearsal with our new roles, I was back up singer somewhere in the background. I started to secretly want the role of "Danny". Watching lead singer, Mr. tall guy Ricky, stutter and getting all nervous in front of the class, I knew I had a chance to steal the role... especially when backup cute sissy Steven had no interest in playing "Danny's" role, perhaps "Sandy's" role was more his liking. I weaseled myself to the front of the class room and sat on a table right behind our two lead male singers and I sang softly in a duet with tall pretty girl "Sandy" whenever they practiced. I didn't sing my line of "Tell me more, tell me more..." blah blah blah blah... I sang "Summer lovin' had me a blast... Summer lovin' happened so fast... I met a girl crazy for me..." Time and time again, I asserted myself when the two "Dannys" failed. Finally... after several more days of rehearsal, Carol, my favorite of the trio... came forth and spoke up against her clan and declared that they should give me a shot since the other two taller and cuter boys couldn't produce results.
I had to play coy... I first pretended not to notice the trio discussing their change of heart. When I was approached with the part, I acted shy, then resisted a little, then I was like, "They are doing pretty good. I don't know... but, Sandy is taller than me..."
Damn... I was a bitch. Knowing that I knew the words and I was their last hope, Carol dragged me from my table and stood me in front of the class. I sang my little heart out. I became "Danny". To this day, I wonder how that really happened... 'cause, I'm tone deaf. All my ex's said so. Sigh... I guess I will never sing for my next boyfriend... too bad... I always felt that singing for someone I loved was one of the greatest things that I can share with that someone special. For me, singing is a way to connect; especially when the words of a song are coming from the heart and not from a song sheet. I used to love it when my ex sung to me at night in bed. Like the summer nights, those days are long gone.
Sandy: "It turned colder - that's where it ends"
Danny: "So I told her we'd still be friends"
Finally, being "Danny" somehow proved to me that I wasn't a total outcast. I may not have been the tallest or the cutest or even the smartest, but I proved myself worthy of some one's attention... more than just someone, I commanded the class' attention. Rehearsals went for the duration of summer school. My confidence was through the roof the whole summer, but it came crashing down on the day of the performance.
Sandy & Danny: "Summer dreams ripped at the seams"
On the day of the performance, I was home busy putting on my new jean jacket and pair of blue jeans all the while trying to hold down the butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I swallowed several dozens of them. I wanted to puke and the only place I found comfort was in the bathroom. For some strange reason, the bathroom always represented a room of calm and peace for me where I could simply close the door and people knew I needed some personal time and space. The bathroom is my meditation room.
When I got in to class, I was probably looking green in the face from nervousness and anixiety. The trio then got nervous too, they started to get tall boy and cute boy ready to take over the part of "Danny", but they knew tall boy was even more nervous and cute boy was too femme. They needed outcast boy to play the role of "John Travolta" even tho he was very short compared to tall "Sandy" and looked nothing like the cool and suave "Danny" on the stage of Grease. So, Allen of the trio, started the prep talks with all "Dannys"... trying to get us to pull together. Tall "Danny" looked at me and his eyes said, "Feel better or else!" Cute "Danny" was ditsy and wanted to be "Sandy". I looked at the horror on the trio's faces and I knew I failed them and that I was going to let chubby Asian lesbian choreographer win this year's competition again.
Finally, doomsday was nearing as we ventured into the basement auditorium. It was drizzling outside and puddles were every where. The auditorium was dimly lit for the occasion. It made me even more nervous and I started to cough up a storm and made semi-puking sounds.
As the performances kicked off, I started to tell my body and mind to calm down and to resist the butterflies. I prayed a little and I tried laughing a little to deter the nervousness in me. We must have been about 45 minutes away from show time and that was when Allen grabbed me by my hand and took me one on one outside into the drizzling rain. We walked slow meandering circles around the puddles in the school yard and he remained quiet. He then said, "It's okay. Don't be nervous. Just have fun out there. You don't have to worry." He also said a whole lot of other brotherly stuff that my seven year old mind couldn't comprehend at the time. But his message got through to me. If I screw up, the trio screws up. I took several deep breathes and smiled at him. All it took was a big brother type to tell me that I could do it. I looked up at him and he saw that my confidence came back.
It was an uphill battle for me as I stepped back into the building. I bit my jaw tight together and summoned the courage in me again. Everything turned black as I entered the school basement from the school yard... I thought for a moment that I was fainting, but it was just my eyes readjusting to the light.
Upon returning to the auditorium, Ricky and Steven both stared at me to see if either one of them still had to fill in. I smiled back and they knew they were off the hook. I was calm, but my heart started to race again when we were called to perform. The curtains were drawn closed as we took our positions on stage. I stood next to tall "Sandy" with our backs towards the audience. My heart raced like a prized race horse at the tracks.
"Deep breath, Petson." The curtains started to open.
"Deep breath, Petson." The music started.
"Butterflies, please stay still."
The spot light casted shadows on me and tall "Sandy". I closed my eyes slowly and I re-opened them slowly.
I became "Danny".
The performance went quickly and the crowd cheered. I was fully in character and performed as rehearsed with all the dance moves. When the curtain drew to a close, my whole class cheered me and "Sandy" on... we quickly left stage and I was greeted with congratulations.
From that day on, I learned something new. I couldn't be "me" at times to get things done. My role as "Petson" didn't shine as brightly as most, but I have a secret weapon. I have many sides to me that I can bring out on demand... sought of like a schizophrenic. That's why I used to tell my ex... "You still haven't seen all of me yet"... and perhaps, that's why he left... who wants a schizophrenic as a boyfriend??
This Wednesday, September 19th, I have to bring out Project Director "Danny" that's been in development for the past five years. It is time for him to step out and sing the song and dance the dance that will land a better opportunity elsewhere. His target is Google. Armed with a two page resume, Project Director "Danny" will probably have a few seconds time to stand out from all the "Dannys" and even "Sandys" out there. The stage is set, the curtains are drawn, the spot light is for the taking...
"Deep Breath." "Butterflies, please stay still."
It was the summer of 1982 when most of you reading this was still a pequeño niño. I, being a good little Asian boy went to summer school down in the lower east side where it was riddled with crime, drugs, prostitution, and the infamous Ghost Shadows and their likes. I always managed to become the teacher's pet each summer. Summer school wasn't so bad. Free food, fun trips, plenty of coloring books, play fight with the guys, and of course the chance of a life time to take center stage at the end of the summer school class performance contest.
Being the teacher's pet proved that you DON'T always get your way. It was about three weeks into summer school when our class started to decide on what we were going to do collectively to compete in the end of summer performance contest. Our three summer school "teachers" were actually young college students or high school seniors. They were as much in this competition as we were. There was this chubby Asian female teacher that ALWAYS seemed to have her class put on the winning competition summer after summer. I bet she was a lipstick lesbian with an artsy eye for design and choreography. She also played favorites and had a favorite "student" too. He was this short Chinese kid that would always star in her performances and win too. He even moon walked for her one year and won the competition hands down. I have to say, her props, lighting, and costumes for her class WAS the best.
At the beginning, our trio of teachers, Allen, Carol, and lesbian Lisa (yes another one) decided that we were going to do the Three Little Pigs. Boring. Drop dead boring and choking on my own vomit kind of boring... We rehearsed the huffing and the puffing and the blowing scene for about a week and we called it quits because we were all turning blue and sick to our stomachs of having to constantly blow. I of course was a natural. Just give me that stick -- house and I'll blow it down for ya.
After spying on their competitors, our trio of teachers decided to revamp our gig to a scene from Grease, starring "Danny" and "Sandy", in the duet "Summer Nights". Once they decided on the new performance, it was time to choose "Danny" and "Sandy"... Choosing "Sandy" was easy, they picked the tallest and prettiest girl from our class. No other girl wanted the role anyway. When it came to choosing "Danny", the trio went for the tallest guy, Ricky, in our class and picked the cutest guy, Steven, as his back up. I wasn't acknowledged. We were sent home with the lyrics and asked to dig up our best pair of jeans and jean jackets.
A week into rehearsal with our new roles, I was back up singer somewhere in the background. I started to secretly want the role of "Danny". Watching lead singer, Mr. tall guy Ricky, stutter and getting all nervous in front of the class, I knew I had a chance to steal the role... especially when backup cute sissy Steven had no interest in playing "Danny's" role, perhaps "Sandy's" role was more his liking. I weaseled myself to the front of the class room and sat on a table right behind our two lead male singers and I sang softly in a duet with tall pretty girl "Sandy" whenever they practiced. I didn't sing my line of "Tell me more, tell me more..." blah blah blah blah... I sang "Summer lovin' had me a blast... Summer lovin' happened so fast... I met a girl crazy for me..." Time and time again, I asserted myself when the two "Dannys" failed. Finally... after several more days of rehearsal, Carol, my favorite of the trio... came forth and spoke up against her clan and declared that they should give me a shot since the other two taller and cuter boys couldn't produce results.
I had to play coy... I first pretended not to notice the trio discussing their change of heart. When I was approached with the part, I acted shy, then resisted a little, then I was like, "They are doing pretty good. I don't know... but, Sandy is taller than me..."
Damn... I was a bitch. Knowing that I knew the words and I was their last hope, Carol dragged me from my table and stood me in front of the class. I sang my little heart out. I became "Danny". To this day, I wonder how that really happened... 'cause, I'm tone deaf. All my ex's said so. Sigh... I guess I will never sing for my next boyfriend... too bad... I always felt that singing for someone I loved was one of the greatest things that I can share with that someone special. For me, singing is a way to connect; especially when the words of a song are coming from the heart and not from a song sheet. I used to love it when my ex sung to me at night in bed. Like the summer nights, those days are long gone.
Sandy: "It turned colder - that's where it ends"
Danny: "So I told her we'd still be friends"
Finally, being "Danny" somehow proved to me that I wasn't a total outcast. I may not have been the tallest or the cutest or even the smartest, but I proved myself worthy of some one's attention... more than just someone, I commanded the class' attention. Rehearsals went for the duration of summer school. My confidence was through the roof the whole summer, but it came crashing down on the day of the performance.
Sandy & Danny: "Summer dreams ripped at the seams"
On the day of the performance, I was home busy putting on my new jean jacket and pair of blue jeans all the while trying to hold down the butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I swallowed several dozens of them. I wanted to puke and the only place I found comfort was in the bathroom. For some strange reason, the bathroom always represented a room of calm and peace for me where I could simply close the door and people knew I needed some personal time and space. The bathroom is my meditation room.
When I got in to class, I was probably looking green in the face from nervousness and anixiety. The trio then got nervous too, they started to get tall boy and cute boy ready to take over the part of "Danny", but they knew tall boy was even more nervous and cute boy was too femme. They needed outcast boy to play the role of "John Travolta" even tho he was very short compared to tall "Sandy" and looked nothing like the cool and suave "Danny" on the stage of Grease. So, Allen of the trio, started the prep talks with all "Dannys"... trying to get us to pull together. Tall "Danny" looked at me and his eyes said, "Feel better or else!" Cute "Danny" was ditsy and wanted to be "Sandy". I looked at the horror on the trio's faces and I knew I failed them and that I was going to let chubby Asian lesbian choreographer win this year's competition again.
Finally, doomsday was nearing as we ventured into the basement auditorium. It was drizzling outside and puddles were every where. The auditorium was dimly lit for the occasion. It made me even more nervous and I started to cough up a storm and made semi-puking sounds.
As the performances kicked off, I started to tell my body and mind to calm down and to resist the butterflies. I prayed a little and I tried laughing a little to deter the nervousness in me. We must have been about 45 minutes away from show time and that was when Allen grabbed me by my hand and took me one on one outside into the drizzling rain. We walked slow meandering circles around the puddles in the school yard and he remained quiet. He then said, "It's okay. Don't be nervous. Just have fun out there. You don't have to worry." He also said a whole lot of other brotherly stuff that my seven year old mind couldn't comprehend at the time. But his message got through to me. If I screw up, the trio screws up. I took several deep breathes and smiled at him. All it took was a big brother type to tell me that I could do it. I looked up at him and he saw that my confidence came back.
It was an uphill battle for me as I stepped back into the building. I bit my jaw tight together and summoned the courage in me again. Everything turned black as I entered the school basement from the school yard... I thought for a moment that I was fainting, but it was just my eyes readjusting to the light.
Upon returning to the auditorium, Ricky and Steven both stared at me to see if either one of them still had to fill in. I smiled back and they knew they were off the hook. I was calm, but my heart started to race again when we were called to perform. The curtains were drawn closed as we took our positions on stage. I stood next to tall "Sandy" with our backs towards the audience. My heart raced like a prized race horse at the tracks.
"Deep breath, Petson." The curtains started to open.
"Deep breath, Petson." The music started.
"Butterflies, please stay still."
The spot light casted shadows on me and tall "Sandy". I closed my eyes slowly and I re-opened them slowly.
I became "Danny".
The performance went quickly and the crowd cheered. I was fully in character and performed as rehearsed with all the dance moves. When the curtain drew to a close, my whole class cheered me and "Sandy" on... we quickly left stage and I was greeted with congratulations.
From that day on, I learned something new. I couldn't be "me" at times to get things done. My role as "Petson" didn't shine as brightly as most, but I have a secret weapon. I have many sides to me that I can bring out on demand... sought of like a schizophrenic. That's why I used to tell my ex... "You still haven't seen all of me yet"... and perhaps, that's why he left... who wants a schizophrenic as a boyfriend??
This Wednesday, September 19th, I have to bring out Project Director "Danny" that's been in development for the past five years. It is time for him to step out and sing the song and dance the dance that will land a better opportunity elsewhere. His target is Google. Armed with a two page resume, Project Director "Danny" will probably have a few seconds time to stand out from all the "Dannys" and even "Sandys" out there. The stage is set, the curtains are drawn, the spot light is for the taking...
"Deep Breath." "Butterflies, please stay still."
posted by Sparky X | 2:22 PM
1 Comments:
Petson, you're adorkable. Go get em tiger. Hah. :-P
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