Searching For Air

This summer has been a pretty interesting one for me. I asked for a more interesting life and most certainly, I got one, but not exactly what I had envisioned. It's not all bad and even the bad, isn't bad, when I look on the brighter side of things. What I do find is that I'm constantly "searching for air"... literally and figuratively. It kinda reminds me of the song "No Air" by Jordan Sparks.

I ended the weekend with a sore arm from drawing blood, a steriods regimen for the next 6 days, and of course a funeral wake.

It's been a good month since I went to see the doctor for my fever, sore throat, and severe cough. I don't have the fever now or the sore throat, but my lungs are inflamed. My doctor says that I have asthma even though I was denying it. He said, "Yes. You have asthma. Your lungs are inflamed."

He prescribed me Advair, Methylprednisolone, and Proventil. Originally he prescribed Singulair, but the prescription was $100 so he gave me a coupon to get it for free, but then the coupon was expired... so, when I went back to him, he gave me a free Advair Diskus so I could save money. The weird thing of it all is... the first doctor told me that I DO NOT have asthma when I asked him if I did.

I'll be going for a follow up next Tuesday at 2pm, I believe at that point he will more closely examine my lungs after the steriods... maybe an x-ray or something... I will of course get my blood test results as well. My mom has been pushing me to get my lungs examined for a while because I tend to have respiratory ailments alot due to childhood bronchitis. It's also because my grandmother passed away due to lung cancer when she never smoked a cigarette in her life.

Am I scared? hmmm... no, because everyone has his or her time. I also don't believe that I'm that sick, but I definitely need to take care of myself.

"Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air"

A great uncle of my, Jim Chin, also passed away due to leukemia last weekend and we had the wake services for him yesterday. He passed at the age of 89 or 92, by Chinese calculations. When I asked why he has an American flag in his coffin, I found out that he had served in the US Navy at the Brooklyn Navy Yard in his late teens when he first immigrated to the US. He spoke no english, but enlisted to serve in the armed forces for his new found country. After his service, he opened a laudromat with his wife and had two sons, Frank Chin and Tunny Chin. Frank and Tunny both graduated from Harvard and MIT. Frank went on to become a big honcho at Smith Barney and Tunny worked for Bell Labs where it is said that he worked on the Touch Tone technology. Tunny passed away in his 30's due to cancer I believe. Great uncle Jim will be buried in Cypress Hill Cemetry today shortly after noon time. May he rest in peace.

Watching his wife mourn for him yesterday was quite sad. A life partner of close to 70 years... gone. One sad fact that I learned was also kinda disturbing too. Both Jim and his wife never travelled nor did they ever revisited their home country after they left. All those years... they just worked and stayed home. This was the old traditional Chinese way of thinking... you work hard and save for the future of your children.

Feeling down before and after the wake services, I decided not to join the dinner services after the wake. I instead headed home even when my dad asked me to stay for the dinner. I guess I left because I needed air.

"I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care"

I'm searching for air... a time to breathe... just to breathe.

Reflecting on life at a slower pace, I realize how precious it is. How I must take advantage of it. Live it. Cherishing the gift of air in my lungs... I'll survive. I may not live the life of a millionaire, but I've got air... Breathe.